"Let's go. Hurry up. Get a move on. We're going to be late."
My daughter is the epitome of what it is to live in the moment, each moment given the powerful sense of awareness and observation that it deserves. Yet each day, she must contend with my pushing her from moment to moment, a constant "come on!" as if what she is doing has no value. When we leave the house, more often than not she asks if we will be late. I feel sheer joy on the rare occasions when I can say that this time we'll be early!
When did these words become my daily mantras? The easy answer would be when I added a child to a marriage and full-time career, but let's face reality, my brain has been saying those words to myself for decades.
All of my life, I've been in a hurry. "You were 3 going on 30," my mom always said. But lately I hear these words spewing from my mouth and the more I say them, the more they piss me off because I'm tired of the rush. I'm tired of the planning. I'm tired of always feeling that something else must be a priority when that something else is nothing that I really want to do. I'm tired, just plain tired.
I want to enjoy the little moments. I want to actually put my family and friends first. I don't even need to stop to smell the roses--I'd just like to notice them sitting on my dining room table.
I truly do want to slow down. I'm simply not sure how. I know very few people who know how to balance their lives, but I want to be one of them. And if someone could just hit pause for a moment, maybe I could figure out the changes I need to make so I can slow the f@^k down! Of course, in all likelihood, if I did have that pause, I'd sit on the couch watching an International House Hunters marathon. I take that back, I would fall asleep on the couch watching a House Hunters marathon.